We have a HUGE secret we've been hiding from just about everyone. There's no easy way to say it, and we're cowardly, intimidated souls. It's something we've been holding back for far too long, and it's time everyone knew. We're sorry some of you had to find out this way, but we're too insensitive and impolite. The flood gates have opened, and we can't hold back...
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WE DON'T WANT KIDS.
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Not right now, anyway. Not for a long time. Why? There are SO many reasons why. Pretty much every aspect of our lives is unprepared.
Physically- I'm a train wreck. I know I appear fine, but I'm a jumbled mess inside. We don't even know if I'm fully capable of carrying (being pregnant with) a child, first of all.
Emotionally- I'm even more of a train wreck. This is all a story for another, much less interesting post, but trust me, I don't want to put another human being through my disaster of a mind, and I already have to put my husband through it.
Mentally- This kind of ties to the emotional part, but what the hey. I know they say you're never ready for a child, but I know there still has to be some thought, preparation, and stability that goes into raising another human being. My mental capacity is not yet there.
Financially- We can barely keep the roof over our head some days. I know my child can't have everything, but if I can help it, I would like to spend most of their lives knowing where from or even
if their next meal is coming.
Spiritually- I know this one is a bit tougher to gauge, but I want to be in really good standing with my God so that I have have the Spirit in my home, and lead by example.
Why do I feel the need to even explain myself? I have heard stories of why we are so wrong to wait (mostly disregarding the fact we may not even be capable of having children).
I have heard:
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Why did you even get married if you weren't planning on having kids yet? Because we felt prompted that it was the right thing to do. We loved (and still love each other), and although we could never be totally prepared, we felt overall able to handle the next step in our lives. We prayed long and hard and talked about our decision, moving forward with faith. The beauty of this life is agency, which allowed us the option to marry without immediately conceiving.
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What if something happens to one or both of you before you have kids?! It will be tragic. It will most likely be unforeseeable. But it it not a reason to throw caution to the wind and bring a living, feeling soul into the world before the right time just because "something
might happen."
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That's what welfare and WIC is for! Personally, I believe these privileges have been given to us in dire circumstances, when we have been in good standing, and suddenly find ourselves with a loss of income or something where we are not able to provide enough for our families. This could be a disability, loss of job, or many other personal situations. However, if I am having a child with the major expectation that I will gain government handouts to take care of a child without any effort from myself or my husband to do our part, we are taking advantage of the system. There should be a goal toward self-reliance. That's just my two cents.
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The leaders of the church said that you shouldn't wait!
Here's the talk to which most of you are referring:
From what I understand of the talk, he was giving great encouragement not to wait, and not to take the situation lightly, as something to be put off for a later date, like a to-do list of chores for life.
Here are some excerpts I've taken from the article, but I encourage you to read it within the context and pray about it as well:
“[Growing] up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood. … Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get.” She then adds: “Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.”
Across the world, this is a time of economic instability and financial uncertainty. In April general conference, President Thomas S. Monson said: “If you are concerned about providing financially for a wife and family, may I assure you that there is no shame in a couple having to scrimp and save. It is generally during these challenging times that you will grow closer together as you learn to sacrifice and to make difficult decisions.”
The bearing of children can also be a heartbreaking subject for righteous couples who marry and find that they are unable to have the children they so anxiously anticipated or for a husband and wife who plan on having a large family but are blessed with a smaller family.
We cannot always explain the difficulties of our mortality. Sometimes life seems very unfair—especially when our greatest desire is to do exactly what the Lord has commanded.
Brothers and sisters, we should not be judgmental with one another in this sacred and private responsibility.
I also wanted to share a link to a video inspired by the above talk.
The decision on when to have children takes faith and is between the husband, wife, and the Lord.
I do not take bearing children lightly. I feel it is the greatest calling, responsibility, and blessing I can have on this earth. I want to provide as much as I can for my future children. I know there will still be struggles no matter what my life situation, and that money may still be tight, but I want to do my absolute best to provide a safe, loving, stable environment for the people I bring into this world.
People will continue to ask when we will starting having children, tell us that we aren't living the gospel according to so-and-so. My hope is that I can tune them out and listen to what my Heavenly Father has to say to me, and what and when his plan and timing is for me. I have to remind myself that as long as I am in good standing with Him, no one and nothing else matters.
When He gives me (and my husband) the inclination that the time is right and I should begin the journey of motherhood, I will follow him with faith. Until then, I will continue to prepare myself for that time in hopes that I can be a worthy mother someday.
